It had been a long, hard day. I went and sat on the sofa and thought to myself, “This is not how life should be!”
The whole day had felt like a big mess. I had become upset and unhappy about almost everything that had happened during the day. There was so much unrest coming up inside me when I was not able to keep the house, garden, car and children spotlessly clean. Every time something went differently to what I had planned for the day, things just became so dark and depressing for me.
I tried to fight against all the anger and irritation that came up in me, but it was just too difficult and too much. It became clear to me that the way things were going with me was not how it should be for someone who is a wholehearted disciple of Jesus Christ.
I thought of how it would be to stand face to face with Jesus, and how it would feel if I had to meet Him right now. Then it suddenly became clear to me that all this time I had only been focused on earthly things. As a result, it had been impossible to say No to all the unrest that rose up within me when things didn’t go my way.
I saw this, but I still didn’t know where to start to find my way out of the mess I was in. I didn’t know what I should give up or how I could change. It had come to a point where I was holding on so strongly to all the earthly things that I had almost no prayer life with God. He was not able to speak to me anymore. However, I felt so desperate that I bowed my head as I sat there and asked God what I should do to come out of this darkness that I felt had sucked me in.
A life-changing experience
Some time later, our young son had a very serious accident. The doctors had to keep him in a coma for a few days. The only thing I could do was wait. In such a time of shock, all earthly things suddenly mean nothing at all.
I remember sitting alone in one of the hospital rooms, and in my despair, I turned to God. That was when He could start speaking to me. I suddenly felt that I had a very open connection to God and I could hear clearly what He had to say to me. The whole time that I sat there in the hospital, I was in a constant conversation with God.
He could point out things in my life that were not as He wanted them to be, and things that I needed to let go of. He was able to show me things that I never would have seen under normal circumstances, because my mind had been so fixed on a lot of earthly things and situations.
During this time, I came into a very close relationship with God. As time went by and things returned to “normal”, I made a firm decision to fight with all my might to keep the connection I had received with God. Without this open connection, I knew I would become slow to hear what He had to say, and the earthly things and situations would start to take over my mind and thoughts again.
Our son had to have a few operations after the accident and he still needs a few more, but he is a very happy, lively boy who is not afraid of doctors and hospitals. Throughout this whole time, I personally never felt that things were too difficult or that God had left me. He has been with me through everything, helping me and making my faith stronger by taking care of everything, even to the smallest detail. I will stay close to Him in all things. This is exactly how life should be!