“Everybody hates me, nobody likes me…”
We sang this as children. We thought it was funny. As I became a teenager, I realised that it was easy to actually think this way. When things didn’t go as I had thought or planned, or I was not invited to an event, it was easy to think that nobody liked me and that everything was against me.
A hidden inferiority complex, just waiting to show itself
As an adult, I realised that it was also easy to think that God was against me when things seemed to go “wrong” in my life. This doubting of God’s love has plagued me for most of my life. I have used different verses to fight this and that has helped me to overcome in specific situations, but this inferiority complex was always sitting there in the background. The tricky thing is that Satan comes as an angel of light. (2 Corinthians 11:14.) He makes it look “humble” to think that I am not liked or not good enough, or that I am not invited to different things because I don’t deserve any better.
A few years ago, over a short period of time, I lost some loved ones and I lost the use of my right arm which also brought constant physical pain. I showed a positive face to the others but inside I was crushed. I realised after some time that I had stopped believing that God loved me or cared for me at all. How could anyone who loved me let these things happen? Did God even exist? What had I done that was so bad that I deserved this kind of treatment? I felt that I was slowly being pulled into a deadly darkness and despair and I didn’t know how to get out. I was even losing the will to live – it was too hard and too painful, and I felt so alone.
Verses written specifically for me
In the middle of this, a friend took the time to ask me how I was really doing. He encouraged me and prayed for me and he gave me the verses in Isaiah 43:1-5. He made me promise to read these verses every day and to put my own name in there. I promised. And this is what I read:
“But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O (Charis), and He who formed you, O (Charis): ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine (Charis). When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flames scorch you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I gave Egypt for your ransom, Ethiopia and Seba in your place. Since you were precious in My sight, you have been honored, and I have loved you; therefore I will give men for you, and people for your life. Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your descendants from the east, and gather you from the west.’”
I did read these verses every day. At first, as I read them, I was wondering who they were written for because they surely weren’t for me. But I obediently kept reading them. Slowly, by God’s grace, faith started to grow and I realised that they were written specifically just for me. God loved me, He chose me; He actually really did! Yes, there would be times where I would go through water and fire, but He would be there with me, giving me strength.
Then I realised: this was my chance to get to the root of this unbelief and feeling of worthlessness that had plagued me my whole life, and kill it completely. This whole situation was God’s mercy so I could get free from the unhappiness that came when living with doubt. I had been feeling like Job, that everything was against me, but then the verse about Job in James 5:11 (CSB) came to me: “See, we count as blessed those who have endured. You have heard of Job’s endurance and have seen the outcome that the Lord brought about — the Lord is compassionate and merciful.”
This came as a revelation to me: do I see the outcome that God wanted to bring about? Do I see that these situations that brought me to an end of myself and my own strength, were actually the answer to my prayers? My prayers that I wanted to be freed from doubt and serve God with my whole heart? These situations that I would have done anything to get out of, became the thing that freed me from this doubt. This was the outcome planned by the Lord. All these things were sent from God because He loved me and wanted me to become happy and free.
But God wouldn’t make this happen magically; I had to admit the truth and overcome these things that had made me unhappy since my childhood. I had to fight: fight against doubt and unbelief and fight to believe in Romans 8:28 (NLT). “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” God’s Word became my weapon and was the only thing that was successful against this doubt. My own reasoning and thoughts were useless.
I have peace inside now, because I am finally fully convinced that God loves me; that I am precious to Him and that He is controlling and arranging every small detail of my life for my very best. I have no fear for the future, because I know that God has control of it and that He will be with me to go through whatever the future holds. I know I am not completely finished with my inferiority complex yet, but it has lost its power and control over me, so it is only a matter of time. I am so thankful for God’s Word and the power it has over darkness, and thankful for the care and prayers of men and women of God.