To become truly happy, we must go to the Bible for important guidelines that will help us. This also applies to those of us who are married.
A happy and fulfilling relationship
It’s very clear that from the beginning God intended marriage to be a blessed, fulfilling and happy relationship. He created man to be like Himself (Genesis 1:27), so man was able to love, communicate and create.
But God’s amazing work of creation was not complete until He made a woman. “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.’” Genesis 2:18 (NLT). A helper, a companion, his equal, someone to share his deepest thoughts and return his love! When God led the woman to Adam, his joy was complete as he said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” Genesis 2:23.
Then it reads in the next verse: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 (NIV). Jesus Himself repeats this verse in Matthew 19:5, and adds, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:6 (NIV). The apostle Paul also refers to the same verse, explaining that marriage is a picture of the “great mystery”, namely Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:32.)
A cure for a very real problem
It is clear that God sees marriage as a sacred relationship! That is what He meant it to be from the beginning. From the beginning he also gave the people laws that promised happiness as long as they obeyed these laws. But sadly, one act of disobedience changed everything, and sin entered God’s good creation. If we are honest, we have to admit that sin still destroys relationships, causes problems in marriage, and causes love to grow cold.
Most people realise that we are born as self-centered creatures, who only think of ourselves and our own pleasure. This doesn’t lead to a happy marriage! But Jesus offers us a solution in Luke 9:23 (NIV): “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”
Not just two hearts, but two wills
To understand this better, we need to understand what it means to “deny ourselves” and “take up our cross”. When it comes to earthly things, it is often not so difficult to deny ourselves, or say No to ourselves. If someone wants to become a good sportsman, for example, he can deny himself unhealthy food. But what Jesus talks about is something much deeper than this.
“Denying ourselves” has to do with our own will—our desires, wishes and demands that come from our self-centered nature as humans. Our own will is almost always against God’s will. When we are newly married, we will soon discover that not only have two hearts and two lives come together, but also two different personalities, each with his and her own will!
Jesus also had a human will, but He said, “Not my will, but Yours be done.” Luke 22:42. Jesus chose to deny His own will, to say No to His own will, so that He could do God’s will. In Hebrews 10:9 (GNT) He says, “Here I am, O God, to do your will." Jesus came to do the will of God, and it meant that He had to give up His own will. He is our example in everything, so we also can say No to our own will and do God’s will instead. When we are married, this will result in our marriage becoming better and better.
Jesus died on a physical cross to pay for our sins. But during His life, He took up His “daily” cross, and this means that He never did His own will, He never gave in to the sin in his human nature to which He was tempted. This is what Paul calls “the dying of the Lord Jesus” in 2 Corinthians 4:10. Jesus invites us to follow Him on this way where sin can be overcome in the power of the Holy Spirit. If we follow Him on this way, His life will also become visible in us and this will be a great blessing to those around us, including our husband or wife!
We can enrich one another’s lives!
It is such good news that God has not changed His mind about marriage, even though sin came into the world through the first couple! He wants it to succeed for us, and in His love He has given us His laws which, if we keep them, will set us free from our human selfishness, so that we can learn to love one another as He loves us.
Human nature is so easily offended! It takes so little for a small misunderstanding, a habit that we don’t like, a thoughtless word, or a critical look to spoil our relationship.
But thankfully we have God’s Word and laws to help us. If we follow, for example, the words of Colossians 3:12-14 (GNT), we have good hope for a happy and fulfilling relationship the way God intended it to be: “You are the people of God; he loved you and chose you for his own. So then, you must clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Be tolerant with one another and forgive one another whenever any of you has a complaint against someone else. You must forgive one another just as the Lord has forgiven you. And to all these qualities add love, which binds all things together in perfect unity.”
This does not mean that we will always agree or have the same view about everything. God has created us as individuals with different personalities and ways of thinking. But we can encourage one another with humility, kindness, and mercy. In this way we can enrich one another’s lives and be a true help for one another, just as God intended us to be.
A relationship of trust and faithfulness
The Bible says that marriage is honourable in every way. (Hebrews 13:4.) He means it to be an honourable relationship for both parties. There should be no oppression, either on the part of the man or the woman, regardless of the culture or background we come from.
In Proverbs 18:22 we read, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” God blessed the marriage relationship from the beginning (Genesis 1:27-28), and He clearly intended it to be a relationship where husband and wife trust one another and are faithful to one another. As companions on the way of life, husband and wife can work together as a team, and learn to love one another more and more, so they can grow together in everything that is good. If this is our experience, then we can truthfully say we have a happy marriage.
And if we are not there yet, we have no reason to give up hope. We can have full confidence in God that we can get there, if we follow His good laws and commandments.