“… the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” 1 Peter 3:4 (NLT).
When I first read this verse, I was tempted to be discouraged. I know that I am not a gentle and quiet person. I have a loud voice, and a loud laugh, and I like to sing at the top of my lungs. Everything I do is so “visible”. I’m not a type of person who can just be unnoticed.
I’m not like this on purpose. This is the personality that I was born with. I’m not saying that I’m proud of myself to be this way; no, a lot of times I’m really embarrassed when I realise that once again, I’m laughing louder than anyone else in the room. Actually, I often wish that I was different.
So, what do I do about the verse where it’s written that I should have a gentle and quiet spirit? Am I not precious to God because I’m a loud and outgoing person? Should I try to change my personality? And would other people also want me to be different?
God didn’t make me “wrong”
I don’t believe that God created me wrong. He made me the person that I am, and He gave me my personality for a reason. So, what is the real problem?
But then I noticed that it doesn’t say “a gentle and quiet personality”. It says, “a gentle and quiet spirit”. That gentle and quiet spirit needs to be my inner self, my connection with God. If in my spirit I’m quiet and always listening for what God wants to speak to my heart, then I will hear when He tells me that the way I’m acting right now is not right – maybe there is some sin that is influencing what I am doing.
Sin is what makes something wrong. Where there is sin in the way I do things, that’s when it is not pleasing to God. If I’m being loud and it’s making life hard for the people around me, then I’m being selfish and thoughtless, instead of being a blessing and making life good for people. God shows me when I’m seeking attention, trying to have the last word, being rude, disrespectful, proud, thoughtless, selfish, full of strong opinions, etc.
I need to always be judging my actions, thinking about how and why I’m doing things. I shouldn’t think only of my own interests and not care how my actions affect people around me. My actions should be driven by love. Then I create life and peace around me wherever I go, whether I’m loud or more quiet by nature. As it says in Romans 8:6 (NCV): “But if their thinking is controlled by the Spirit, there is life and peace.”
God can use my personality to bless!
And if see I am self-centred and thoughtless, then I don’t need to stay that way! By God’s power it can be overcome. I can become caring and thoughtful and think about what is best for others, and my actions will show that. Then my personality is cleansed, without changing who God made me.
When I listen for God’s voice, then I learn what is right and what is wrong, and I’m sensitive to when it is the right time and the right place to be bold and confident, and when the right thing to do is to be silent.
What is precious to God is that I want to hear His voice and seek Him in my spirit, always keeping my ear open to hear what He has to say to me in every situation, so that I can do His will and not my own. That’s the gentleness and quietness that He is looking for. And yes, sometimes a lot of outward activities can stop me from hearing that, so then I have to make sure that I’m not drowning out His voice. (1 Thessalonians 5:19.)
But there is nothing wrong with being confident. As long as I’m always watchful for sin in whatever I do. When I listen for God’s voice speaking to me, then He is able to always guide all of my steps, and He can use me for whatever work He wants me to do. He can use me, just as He created me, to do His will on earth. (Ephesians 2:10.)
That gentle and quiet spirit is not impossible. It’s very encouraging to know that I can have such a spirit no matter what my personality is, and that through it God can guide my life perfectly. He can show me the way to become completely free from sin and self-seeking. I can still be “me”, but the cleansed “me”, the way that God intended me to be.